On Learning and Unlearning...

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." ESV

You think you've done all the (physical) growing that you do when you become an adult and life laughs in your face. 😩 There are a few things in life that are constant and growth is definitely one of them.

I'm one of those people that has always been excited about growth. Growing taller, growing older, growing wiser and definitely growing spiritually. But no one seems to prepare you for emotional growth. The kind of growth that comes with growing pains like you wouldn't believe. Growth that causes you to go through a period of learning and unlearning. Choosing exactly who it is you want to be and realising that you need to grow on your own, but also that you have to grow with the various relationships in your life. And boy is that a tough one, especially if you're keen on growth while the people around you are set on staying in the same place. Or, if you think you've grown enough in a certain place and then you're placed in a situation where you realise that's definitely not the case.🤦🏾‍♀️

I'm the kind of person that spends way too much time in my own head.😅 That's probably why, extroverted as I may be, I love to sit in a corner of my room on my chair (my sister says I sit like I'm mourning "kwati ndi ku malilo" 😩😂) and read or write - just like I'm doing now.😅 It's probably why I'm so suited to blogging too. 🤔
See the notion that just because you're extroverted or introverted doesn't necessarily mean that you won't like to sit down and enjoy your own company or that you won't like to go out and enjoy the company of others. It's so far from the truth. We need to be open to the fact that people can be more than one thing and that's ok. (John 13:34)

Recently I got into a couple of disagreements with one of my favourites (oomf). Now, I realise that although I can be problematic (thank God for all the love and patience that's poured onto me😅) these were not intentional of course. However, they did happen all the same. And being the person that I am, when I found out I was to blame, I just wanted to fix them. Like right there and then, cause I hate unfinished business and would much rather make up so we can move on. But in as much as I have my own way of doing things and an ideal way of how I think things should go, I've realized that my way isn't always the best way and I have to allow for other people to process in their own ways, then come back when they're good and whole.
See, in as much as they can't force me to slow down my process, I can't force them to speed up theirs. All we can do is respect each other and be willing to hear each other out when the time is right. (Micah 6:8)

Finally, it was brought to my attention that I may have boundary issues. And that is not the easiest of things to admit. I thought I was this person that had figured out most of my faults (you have no idea how many times they're pointed out to me) and was actively working on them. So this was a little bit of a shock to me. Like I knew I didn't like conflict and I bottled in a lot of my feelings bc most people aren't actually willing to sit down and listen. But I honestly didn't realise that it stemmed from my inability to enforce boundaries. It's an ongoing process but with the help of an incredibly written book, prayer and the word of God, I've been working on myself and hope to make all the relationships in my life better as a result. (1 Corinthians 15:57)

Unlearning is not an easy process. 
And sometimes it can be a painful one.
But the great thing is that once you learn what your problem is, unlearn the bad behaviour or consciously change your mindset about a certain thing then and only then can you continue to grow into the person that God would have you to be.

Let me know some of the things you've been learning and unlearning during this period.

Bisous!

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